Josh's Birthday
by Chillmaster3000
Summary: Josh has a birthday. Doesn't everybody? But Josh has friends who like to make things memorable, and his birthday is on Halloween...


"Why are there copious amounts of candy in your office?" Toby asked. Sam looked up from his computer.

"It's Halloween, Toby. Trick-or-treaters are voracious little things." Sam got up to move the candy.

"This doesn't have anything to do with Josh's birthday, does it?" Toby said, remembering last year. Sam smiled and Toby saw the cape folded up on his chair.

"No, of course not," Sam replied. Toby decided to hide. Possibly for several days.

"Donna! You got the-"

"Right here!" Donna said, coming over.

"You know it's got the-"

"Second page. Anything else?" Donna asked. Josh eyed her suspiciously.

"No. Are you feeling okay?" he said.

"Yeah. Why?"

"You seem…perky and…helpful."

"I'm not always perky and helpful?"

"Not really, no. Do you have a scheme?"

"Joshua Lyman, how dare you accuse me of tomfoolery! You know you're the one who always gets in trouble, usually with Sam-"

"Message from Sam." Bonnie came over and handed a paper to Donna. Josh reached over.

"It's not for you!" Donna said, swatting his hand. "Get started on 157, I'll get you some coffee."

"Coffee?" Josh repeated as she walked away. Coffee was a bad sign. Her over-officious manner was rapidly becoming spurious, even without considering her tradition of Josh's birthday scare fest. C.J. came over in the middle of his worry.

"Hey, Josh, why am I suddenly getting memos from your office?" she asked.

"Donna's efficient today. I think she's planning something onerous, but she's remaining tenaciously quiet on the subject."

"You know, Sam's been awfully surreptitious today. Maybe he's in on it," C.J. suggested.

"That would be scary," Josh said. C.J. nodded. They simultaneously came to the same conclusion and hurried nervously to find Leo. They eventually discovered him in the Oval.

"Mr. President, Leo, we think Sam and Donna-"

"We've heard," Leo said grimly.

"Our usually gregarious friends are abnormally quiet, despite their pious observance of the holiday. There is something rotten in the White House," Bartlet said.

Josh came into the west wing to find it was almost completely dark. He shrugged it off until he heard a moan behind him. Josh turned to see a zombie staggering forward.

"Josh…Josh…" Josh ran. Something hairy grabbed his arm, and Josh yelped at the sight of its teeth. There was a bone-chilling cackle. The beast let go of Josh, holding its large ears. Something bright flew past Josh, who took off running again. Someone screamed in his office.

"Donna!" Josh cried. He wrenched the door open to see a figure leaning over Donna's slumped form on Josh's desk. The figure looked up and bared bloody fangs. Josh yelped again.

"Holy shit!" The figure tried to hiss. It laughed at the same time, and Josh recognized him.

"Sam?" he said. A green hand grabbed Josh's shoulder and he whirled. C.J. was grinning at him under green face paint. She snapped her fingers and the lights came to life.

"Happy Birthday, Josh!" Everyone suddenly appeared, dressed as various monsters. The zombie came in and the beast removed a mask, revealing Charlie and Toby. Donna sat up to show fake blood dripping down her neck.

"Happy Halloween, Josh," she said. "Was it good?"

"You scared the hell out of me!"

"It was good," Sam decided, face paled by powder. He reached behind the desk to pull out a bowl of Josh's preferred candies. "Here's your treat, Josh."

"Well, thanks." Josh took some. "Did you two plan this?"

"Of course," Donna said smugly.

"I'm impressed that you could put up with scheming Donna, Sam," C.J. commented, also picking out some candy.

"It wasn't that bad," Sam said. "Someone should get the cake."

"I'll get it!" Donna shot up and ran out. Sam lowered his voice.

"I almost bailed halfway. Do you have any idea how scrupulous Donna is on a secret mission? She nearly bit my head off!"

Catherine Hill

Vocab

McGowan

November 1, 2011

"Josh, this country is in decline," Bartlet declared suddenly. Startled, Josh looked up from his notes.

"What? Declining how?" he asked.

"There has been attrition in the art of oration in America," Bartlet continued. Josh sighed.

"I see, Mr. President."

"I don't think you do, Josh. Men like Sam and Toby are becoming sparse, men of clear diction and crisp vocabulary. A country is defined by its wordsmiths, you see. Public speaking is fundamental in the history of edification. Elocution is the keystone in the building of a nation. Words move, Josh, they move people, they move nations, they can move the world! Do word move you, Josh?"

"Sir, words move me so much I am writhing. I writhe because I'm sorry I fell for your bait."

"Don't tell me you're not enjoying the wisdom of your Commander-in-Chief," Bartlet chided.

"Of course not, Mr. President."

"That's the problem, you know. You pedestrians don't appreciate oration anymore. You pinion the speaker with your miniscule vocabulary, trapping him so that he cannot reach the highest peaks. You mock the carrion-"

"Excuse me, Mr. President, did you just accuse me of killing oration?" Josh said.

"The pedestrians did, yes," Bartlet replied.

"And I'm a pedestrian?" Bartlet nodded.

"The pedestrians murdered oration. Its kismet is that of an unsung hero-"

"Mr. President, may I just say that I am not a pedestrian? I appreciate Sam and Toby very much and I…like…words. I'm just kind of ambivalent on the whole oration/art thing."


End file.
